Here is the first chapter of my first attempt at a novel. I did post it first time round on ww.Night Publishing. com but had no feedback for it which was dispointing. I was quite excited about posting it on there because I did think it might of been voted for in their monthly polls, and have a chance of being published like some people have been on there. But that never happened I know I was dreaming, but never mind.
“Good evening ladies, welcome to a night on which you could be finding your Mr Right. Now gentlemen if you could all move to the next table after 2 minutes, you will hear a bell to let you know when to move. You have a lot of beautiful women to work yourselves through tonight, anyway enough of me babbling on, lets get this night of fun started.”
Emma sits at her table looking round nervously at the room full of her potential lovers. Emma had been out of the dating game for quite a while now and being dragged to this speed dating event by her best friend, Veronica, felt to Emma like the most humiliating and embarrassing experience ever. After all who does speed dating these days? Weren’t most people meeting online now? Emma was sure she had read that somewhere, ironically it might have even been online, on one of those dating sites where if you didn’t like someone you could just block them from talking to you, much simpler than real life where you would have to put yourself through the awkward silences and fake that you were enjoying their company. As she felt her heart pounding in her chest Emma looks across at Veronica and proceeded to grace her friend with one of those fake smiles, as if to say I can’t wait for this excitement to begin, while the true meaning behind her smile was telling a very different story. One such as, I can’t believe you dragged me here tonight Veronica you bitch, I was all ready to sit down with a box of expensive chocolates and watch the hugely popular dating show ‘Take Me Out’ and now because of you, instead of watching lonely and desperate people getting humiliated and rejected for pure entertainment value, I myself, might very well become one of those people who is tossed on the loser pile of love. But as theses thoughts whizz through Emma’s mind she continues to smile at Veronica, who had just given her the thumbs up as a hunk walked over to her table.
Oh thanks Veronica, but I would very much like to shove that thumbs up signal you just gave up your rear end Emma thinks glaring over at her best friend, who was now happily chatting up the man who had just sat down.
“Trust you to pull already…………”
“Hi ya, you sexy little minx.”
“Excuse me?” Emma says snapping her head away from watching Veronica’s ongoing flirting, to see a strange looking little man wearing a long green raincoat, even through it wasn’t raining outside. He peers at Emma hungrily through thick black framed glasses. The glass inside them looked the size of the bottoms of a couple of big bottles at least.
“I said Hi ya, you sexy little minx.”
Emma gestures for him to sit down trying her best to try and ignore his opening comment.
“Well I’m Emma I’m 33 I like to keep fit……”
“YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, I’m Steve by the way.” the strange little anorak man says as his eyes widened behind his bottle cap spectacles, he had also taken to rubbing his hands with glee at how sexy he thinks Emma is.
“Excuse me I can say how fit I am? I don’t understand.” Emma says feeling quite uncomfortable.
“Yeah you’re well fit”
“Oh you mean you find me beautiful?”
“You’re hot or in the words of Keith Lemon, your bang tidy.”
“Er thanks I think” Emma says noticing Steve’s eyes start to drop towards her……
“NICE KNOCKERS BABE NICE AND JUICY”
“Would you mind? You….”
“NO I WOULDN’T MIND HAVING A QUICK JIGGLE……..”
Steve feels a sudden sharp pain sear itself across his face, this is quickly followed by the sudden pain to his backside as he topples backwards in his chair.
“OUCH MY POOR BUM” Steve says scrambling to his feet. As he clutches at his sore bottom as well as rubbing his sore cheek, he looks worriedly across at Emma who still has her hand out in the backhanded slap motion, her eyes like a demented demon.
“Would you like to carry on our conversation? We still have thirty seconds left” Emma asks with a look of menace in her eyes.
Steve shakes his head most viciously and falls backwards over the outstretched chair leg.
The chime of the bell sounds.
“Ok gentlemen time to move on to the next beautiful woman.”
“Go now Steve” Emma says pointing to the next table.
Getting to his feet Steve can only gulp as he sees the number of the next table.
“Yes that’s right I’m at table one Steve, you have another fourteen to go.” Emma takes great delight in seeing the fear in Steve’s eyes as he stands hunched over scanning the room over the rest of the women. Emma can only think that Steve must have taken what he thought must have been the safest option for him and his pervy chat up lines. As she watches him, he hobbles quickly out of the hall, full with as Steve would put it, well fit birds.
Emma gazes round the hall to see if anyone had noticed her outburst of anger. But it seems everyone is too caught up in their own desperation to even batter an eyelid. Hell would they even notice if a bomb went off or was everyone so wrapped up in their need for love to even notice. Not even Veronica had noticed her just bitch slap a creepy pervert across the room, but this was Veronica after all who seemed far to busy fluttering her eyelashes at every man in the room. Sitting back down and taking a few moments to compose herself Emma prays for someone normal to come to her table next. No nutball weirdoes, should apply thanks, thinks Emma.
“Hello there I’m Clive.”
“Hello Clive it’s nice to meet you, oh no.”
“Oh no what?”
“You have binoculars.”
“Yes for my bird watching” Clive says giving his binoculars an affectionate pat.
“Bird watching? asks Emma suspiciously.
“Bird watching in what sense exactly?”
“Watching birds” Clive says slowly feeling like it was somehow a trick question.
“Do these birds wear mini skirts by any chance?”
“Err, no only feathers.”
Emma lets out a sigh of relief at Clive not being a peeping Tom.
“I also like to collect stamps” Clive says pulling out a large scrapbook. Emma subconsciously begs him not to ask the next question, but she can feel it coming as Clive sits there looking down at his scrapbook with great love, like a person would with their partner.
Clive seeming to remember where he is all of a sudden looks up at Emma, who is busy putting on her fake smile, while dreading Clive asking her what she knew was irrelative.
“Would you like to look at my collection?” Clive asks holding the giant scrapbook open for Emma to see.
“Yes” Emma says nodding as she feels the feeling of boredom engulf her.
“Oh good you won’t be disappointed, this highly engaging collection, it will fill your mind with great wonder.” Clive says getting caught up in his own excitement.
“I bet” Emma says as she forces herself to look over the most boring collection of stamps she has ever witnessed in her life.
“See these are first class, the most important of the stamp family, these enable you to get a most urgent letter to its required destination.”
“Mm” Emma says as she feels her eyelids begin to droop.
“Oh yes, would you look at this beauty this is the Penny Black, this was the first postage stamp ever made and would you believe I have it?”
Emma can feel her body slowly slumping forwards, she raises one of her hands to catch her chin. Her head has all of a sudden become too heavy to hold up, with no support. She watches Clive with a glassy eyed look.
“Remarkable don’t you think?” Clive asks her.
“Yeah sure” Emma mutters, she is past caring if she is hiding her boredom or not. She very much doubts Clive would even notice as he sits before her flicking through pages upon pages of stamps.
“Wonderful stuff wouldn’t you agree? Hey if you are fascinated by these stamps, how do you feel about trains?”
“Excuse me? My feeling about trains?” Emma asks looking puzzled.
“Oh yes I love them, maybe we could play with them together, I have a nice big one.”
“We are talking about trains here right?” Emma asks feeling like she might have to slap yet another freaky desperate weirdo.
“Of course, I mean I have a big train set in my loft. Say would you like to come over sometime and have a go with it? I dress up as the conductor and everything.”
Emma lets her head fall into her outstretched arms on the table as the bell chimes signals the end of yet another train wreck (no pun intended) disaster.
“Hey, how’s it going? Find anyone you like yet?” Veronica whispers across at Emma.
“Oh yes I am spoiled for choice, I can either go for the local pervert or the dashing stamp collector.” Emma says sarcastically.
Veronica nearly falls off her chair as she laughs at her friend’s misfortune.
Emma turns back to the table and lets her head fall into her outstretched arms once more.
“Err, Hello Miss.”
Emma gives her next date a tired look.
“Hi Rodney I’m Emma”
“Sorry I’m feeling quite shy here.”
“That’s ok Rodney” Emma says smiling feeling rather hopeful well that is until…
“RODNEY LET ME SEE HER.”.
“Would you like to meet my mother Miss?”
“Your Mother? I didn’t realise she was with you.”
Rodney blushes looking rather sheepish.
“OH RODNEY STOP YOUR DITHERING AND SIT DOWN AND CHAT TO THE NICE LADY.”
Rodney pulls the chair away from the table sighing and looking rather embarrassed sits down.
“Mother stop it you’re embarrassing me.”
“OH SHUT UP RODNEY, NOW SHOW ME HER, I WILL ONLY HAVE THE BEST TYPE OF WOMAN FOR MY SON’S GIRLFRIEND.”
Emma watches Rodney as he turns his mobile to face her.
“Hello my dear.”
“Err hello” Emma says as she sees a rather sweet looking wheelchair bound old woman smile at her from Rodney’s mobile phone’s screen.
“So my sweet little Rodney here would like a girlfriend.”
“Would he? That’s nice.”
“I’m sorry for his disrespectful appearance, I did tell him to comb his hair before he came out tonight.”
“I did Mother.”
“SHUT UP RODNEY, ME AND THE NICE LADY ARE TALKING.”
“No he looks fine” Emma says smiling over at a sweaty Rodney.
“That is sweet of you to say my dear, now listen he does tend to waffle so please bear with him.”
“Mother please I shouldn’t have shown you how to use Skype.”
“OH RODNEY ARE YOU GOING TO CHAT TO THIS NICE YOUNG LADY OR NOT?”
“Oh Mother how do you always manage to embarrass me like this? I mean you’re at home for God’s sake.”
“RODNEY I MIGHT BE TOO OLD AND TOO WEAK TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, BUT THAT DOES NOT STOP ME VETTING YOUR CHOICE OF A WOMAN NOW DOES IT? NOT NOW I KNOW HOW TO CALL YOU ON THIS SKYPE THINGY.”
“I think it’s sweet” Emma says giving Rodney a smile.
“Now my dear how sexually active would you say you are?”
Emma is somewhat taken back by this question, had she really just been asked this by a sweet looking crippled old woman?
“It’s only I want grandchildren before I die.”
“Mother that’s it, you’re going away in my pocket” Rodney says shoving his phone into his pocket. As the seconds of their speed date counts away, Emma and Rodney can hear muffed cries of protests from the depths of his coat pocket.
“RODNEY HOW DARE YOU SHOVE ME AWAY INSIDE YOUR POCKET, HOW RUDE OF YOU, WE WILL BE HAVING STRONG WORDS WHEN YOU GET HOME YOUNG MAN.”
“Oh will she hit you with her walking stick or run you down in that wheelchair of hers?” Emma laughs.
“You have no idea” Rodney says looking quite worried as the bell chimes.
Emma lets out a long tired sigh as she lets her head fall into her outstretched arms once again, while she waits for the next treat on tonight’s dating menu.
“Hello there dishy lady”
Emma releases another sigh as she looks up at a man who would surely add to the list of compete weirdo’s, which she has had the great misfortune of meeting in a space of only six minutes. But even she had to admit as she eyes up his appearance that she might have been too quick to judge. It sure looks like he has made a decent enough effort to impress, with his perfectly black gelled back hair and his beautifully cut tuxedo, which only helps his cause of wooing Emma even more. Not to mention the perfect most handsome smile he is giving her. Emma hasn’t ever seen such a jaw dropping mind blowing smile ever before. Even his teeth were gleaming and his green eyes, oh those eyes the way they sparkle, oh take me now in your strong muscular arms Emma thinks to herself. Would anyone notice if she made hot passionate love to this total dream hunk of a man right here and now, on the small round table at which she sits, let’s just skip the leave your number at the front desk and I will call you bit. I’m interested, very interested in fact, Emma thinks continuing to fantasise. The charming man coughs bringing Emma back from her long and kinky daydream.
“I said hello”
“Eh, what? I mean oh yes hi ya, no I mean hi, hello, oh my.” Emma splutters pulling at her clothes viciously trying to cool herself down.
The dashing young man chuckles.
“How embarrassing I don’t quite know what has come over me” Emma says as she starts to turn a bright shade of red.
“Oh do not worry yourself, I have seen numerous amounts of flustered women, which come over all giddy when they find themselves in my presence.
“Oh my, you’re very confident aren’t you?” Emma says fluttering her long brown eyelashes.
“I have no reason not to be” The man says leaning idley back in his chair.
“Yes let me introduce myself. I am international spy Charlie Checkers.”
“You’re a spy?”
“Oh yes indeed I am” says Charlie raising his eyebrow suggestive towards Emma.
“Oh I see is this some kind of a role play thing Charlie?”
“Well it could be if you wanted it to be. But no it is true I am one of the MI5’s top agents. In fact I really shouldn’t be telling you this.” Charlie says leaning across the table close to Emma covering his mouth with his hand.
“Oh I guess not, you have just blown your cover in the space of two minutes.” Emma whispers back trying very hard to hold back a howl of laughter.
“I don’t believe you, you’re not some secret agent spy. I mean for all I know you could of rented that tux to try and woo the ladies here tonight.” Emma says smiling at Charlie, she has to hand it to him he was the most interesting date she has had so far tonight.
“Oh its proof you want is it?” Charlie asks in a chilled out manner.
“Yes if you would be so kind?” Emma says gazing deep into his green eyes.
“Very well then” Charlie says pulling his black tuxedo jacket away from his shirt slightly to reveal a silver handgun tucked in the inside of his jacket.
“You have a gun?”
“Of course I do, I wouldn’t be much of a spy without one now would I?” Charlie says smiling.
“That can’t be real surely? Now come on tell the truth that’s a water pistol isn’t it?”
“Oh no” Charlie says pulling the handgun out.
“It is real would you like me to show you?”
Emma’s eyes widened, what did he actually mean when he said would she like him to show her? Was he about to shoot her in cold blood?”
“No please put that away” Emma says in a loud whisper.
“Oh my, did you think I would shoot you? I was only going to show you the bullet chamber, let you listen to the click of the gun.”
“PUT IT AWAY” Emma says turning her head towards a gigging Veronica.
“Oh my, someone’s getting lucky, couldn’t you just wait until you got to the bedroom?” Veronica says waving her finger back and fro at Emma while laughing.
Emma turns back to Charlie who is twirling the gun chamber around.
“I wonder if I get a promotion, will I get a golden gun like James Bond had?”
Emma who has recently finished a 12 week course of karate, knocks the silver handgun away from Charlie. Charlie sits there stunned looking at the woman in front of him who has just managed to disarm him and is now placing the gun down on the table before her.
“Well my, how very embarrassing a highly trained spy like myself getting disarmed by one of the general public, will wonders never cease? May I have my gun back please?” Charlie says making a grab for Emma’s wrist. Emma quickly blocks his attempt of a grab with a quick karate chopping action. Charlie pulls back, looking somewhat stunned as he sucks on his sore thumb.
“Why is it you feel the need to bring a gun to a social event such as speed dating?” Emma asks handing Charlie his gun back under the table just in case of startling the people sat round them.
“Well with me being one of the Governments top spies I must carry it for protection against my enemies” Charlie says as he tucks his gun safely away in the folds of his jacket.
“So you are sticking with you’re a spy story are you?”
“Oh yes, I have many enemies, why they could be lurking anywhere, that is the reason I have this gun.”
“Fine, but why is an over confident spy like yourself trying to pick up a lady at speed dating?”
“I am on the look out for someone who could pose as my pretend girlfriend. She would accompany me to a very important dinner party” Charlie explains as he watches Emma’s eyebrows rise.
“Where is this important dinner party?”
“That my foxy lady is classified.”
“Why is it important?”
“That is also classified but I will tell you this, there are some very important files I must get out of the dinner host’s office, vital in fact.”
“Well it all sounds very exciting stuff but I think I will give it a miss.”
“Really don’t you want a bit of adventure with a hot spy like myself?” Charlie asks winking.
“Oh yes I would but I have a lot on at the moment,”Emma says as she desperately tries to think of an excuse to get this nutjob off her back.
“What things do you have on at the moment?” Charlie asks.
“Oh you know,” Emma says twirling a lock of her brown hair round her finger.
“No I don’t know, whatever it is I think it can wait, I mean we have a responsibity here to stop an evil mastermind, why I fear the world is in danger.”
“Oh no you don’t Charlie, you can stop trying to pile on the pressure here, anyhow I have a hairdresser’s appointment I can’t miss. Plus I’m on the Neighbourhood watch committee we have a big meeting coming up next week about parking spaces on our street not to mention I have a new sofa coming…”
“So as you can see I’m pretty much snowed under but good luck with your mission to save the world and all.” Emma says smiling sweetly.
“Well that is a great shame I was looking very much forward to showing you some of my great weaponry.”
“I beg your pardon?”
The bell chimes.
Emma watches red faced as Charlie leaves her table. What an interesting very strange range of people she has come across tonight she thinks to herself as she catches Veronica giving her the eye.
“Veronica I swear I have never met men like these ever before.”
“That good eh?” Veronica laughs. Emma shakes her head.
“One more guy and if he turns out to be a fruit loop I’m out of here ok?” Emma says in a hushed whisper.
Veronica nods rolling her eyes as Emma’s next choice makes his way to her table. This guy looks friendly enough even through he looks like he might have been dragged through a hedge backwards, or even mauled by some vicious tiger or had he somehow not realised his clothes were all ripped? He wears a tie and an half buttoned up shirt which is tucked half into his trousers, which look like they had big paint stains or possibility worse. Emma prays not though. He also wears some crooked black rimmed glasses and his teeth are all chipped.
Emma can see that this man is no stranger to accidents seeing as he has a dozen plasters on his face. Emma watches as he trips over as he holds out his hand to greet her. It seems the sudden movement of holding his hand out seems to somehow make him lose his balance. Emma gets up from her seat and peers over the tabletop to see a smiling man lying in a heap beaming up at her from the floor.
“Are you ok? You took quite a tumble there.”
“Oh yes thank you I’m quite alright thank you kind Miss.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you Emma I’m Boris.”
“Would you like a hand off the floor Boris?”
“Why that would be a great help I don’t want to put you out through.”
“It’s no trouble I have to say that looks very painful.”
“Yes I must say having one of your legs nearly wrapped round your head will bring a lot of pain.”
Emma rushes round the other side of the table and gently and slowly eases the odd angle of Boris’s leg and helps him to his feet.
“There you ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
“What is it? What’s wrong Emma?” Boris asks looking startled.
“YOU’RE STANDING ON MY FOOT” Emma manages to squeak.
“Oh I am sorry.”
Emma lets out a long sigh of relief as Boris moves his foot off hers.
Emma hobbles over to pull Boris’s chair out for him to sit down. When he is safely sat in his seat Emma limps over to her side of the table.
“Well Emma where would you like to start?” Boris asks as he jumps at Veronica’s high pitched laughter from the next table. He quickly steadies himself having just clutched at the tablecloth to stop himself falling off his chair with fright.
“You ok? You look a bit nervous.”
“Who me? No never I’m not nervous” Boris says as he leans backwards on his chair trying to demonstrate how cool and chilled out he is.
Emma watches as a shocked expression comes over him as his chair topples backwards.
“OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS GOING TO HURT.” Boris screams as he falls to the floor. Emma winces at the loud crashing sound of the chair hitting the floor.
“Are you alright?”
“Oh yes but I was right it did hurt, I’m going to have a very sore and bruised back tomorrow.” Boris says getting to his feet and starts to dust himself off.
“If you don’t mind me saying you seem a bit clumsy.”
“What me? No what makes you say that?”
“Errrr” Emma says feeling rather lost for words as Boris pulls his chair into the table but as he does so he catches his knee and bangs it hard against the tabletop.
“Oh I don’t know, don’t worry about it” Emma says smiling.
“So Boris what do you do as a job, you’re not a spy or anything like the last guy are you?”
“No” Boris laughs.
“Oh good, because that was totally ridiculous.”
“I work in a scientific lab with a group of scientists.”
“Oh” Emma says feeling rather gobsmacked by Boris’s answer.
“I am their safety manger” Boris says with a proud look on his face.
“Come again, now you’re kidding me right? Emma finds herself asking not seeming to be able to help herself.
“No it is true here look” Boris says as he tugs a bit to hard at his business name badge. Emma watches as Boris’s slightly heavy handed tug turns into a flick. Emma’s eyes follow the now airborne name badge until it lands with a plop into the filled water jug on the table.
“Oh no silly me” Boris says reaching across the table for the water jug, he doesn’t seem to notice his dangling tie hovering above the table’s flicking candle. Emma’s eyes widened as she watches the fire from the candle start to creep its way up Boris’s tie. Boris hasn’t seemed to notice, well that is until he sees the look of horror on Emma’s face.
“What? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! IT’S HOT, HOT, HOT Boris screams looking down at his burning tie, which had once been a bright blue but now is turning a charred coal black colour.
Emma quickly grabs hold of the water jug and throws it over Boris.
Boris and Emma sit there in a few moments of silence not sure of what to say to each other. It is at this point that Emma takes in the golden opportunity of admiring Boris’s chest through his soaked through white shirt. There was no denying very nice, but very clumsy Boris here had a well toned muscular body that Emma couldn’t help but feel slightly aroused by.
“Well I better be off” Boris says as he quickly dries his face off with a corner of the tablecloth.
“Yes of course I can’t really expect you to sit there like a drown rat can I?”
Boris gets to his feet.
“Well I will catch you later maybe?” Boris says.
“Maybe” Emma says as she watches him walk away leaving a wet trail as he goes.
Taking a sigh Emma can’t help but feel disappointed he hadn’t leaned across the table and given her a goodnight kiss, even through he would have probably ended up head butting her or something.
“You had a good night Em Veronica asks seeing the dreamy look in her friend’s eyes.
“Eh what sorry? What did you say?”
Veronica laughs as she takes her lovestuck friend under her arm and guides her out to the car park.
“So that last guy did it for you did he?” Veronica asks giving Emma a questioning look.
“Oh Boris is it? Well if I may just say something here he may well be the man of your nightmares.”
“Why do you say that? He was alright.”
“Yes but very clumsy Em. That man seems like he would be very dangerous for your health.”
“Oh Veronica yes it is fair to say that he had some faults but even so.”
“Some faults he set himself on fire, if you want a man with abit of danger you should of gone with the spy.”
“What Charlie? No that man was too far up himself.”
Emma and Veronica continue to walk towards their car chatting about the night, that is until Veronica who just happens to have the attention spam of a nat finds herself distracted by some loud wolf whistles.
“Oh Em wait here for me I am just going to flaunt my stuff. Oh look its Nick the nice charming body builder I was chatting to earlier.” Veronica says as she leaves Emma high and dry and feeling rather abandoned in the middle of the car park. Well to be honest she was hardly surprised by Veronica’s behaviour after all her friend has always been a giant flirt. As Emma rolls her eyes and taps her foot while listening to Veronica’s loud and irritating flirtatious laugh.
Why couldn’t she just do that, just go up to a guy and flirt her way into his affections. There was a sudden moaning sound coming from the far side of the car park.
While Emma knows she should wait to see if Veronica was going to strike it lucky with Nick and wouldn’t be needing a lift home tonight, Emma finds herself itching to know about that moaning sound. It was only coming from a few cars away and Emma is fighting back the urge to take a look. She tries to stretch her neck to try and peer over the car rooftops, but that is no good there is no way to tell what is going on. But it definitely sounds like human moans. A man in fact and by the sounds of it he was in distress or some kind of denial. What could have happened to him? Emma thinks to herself. Could he be getting mauled to death by a blood thirsty grizzly bear? Oh come on Emma get a grip, what would a bear be doing in a car park in the somewhat uneventful and boring little town like Cherry Blossoms her very vivid imagination asks her. Ok then if not a vicious man eating bear maybe a blood thirsty vampire, oh no I very much doubt that one too her imagination weighs in again.
“You’re right I read too many vampire novels and watch too many vampire shows on TV” Emma mutters to herself. As she tears her eyes away from the sound of the moaning, which is now turning into cries of anger, for just a second to take a look at Veronica and Nick who are busy giving each other lusting looks.
Should I stay here and watch my tart of a friend make gooey eyes at her one night stand possibility new boyfriend? Or go and investigate this most intriguing moaning sound?
Emma looks in the direction of the sound of intrigue and then takes a look back to Veronica.
“Oh screw this” Emma says as she makes her way slowly towards the wails of the desperate man.
“Oh yes that’s right you just lay down there and mock me, why don’t you? I only need you to drive home. Way too much to ask though isn’t it? Hey I know lets just slip out of good old Boris’s hands, as he tries to grab us from his pocket and then lets fall down this drain here and just sit down here while Boris tries to fish us out but who knows fully well he wont be able to reach us, because his fingers are too fat to get through the holes. Oh God dam you car keys how you mock me.”
Boris who is busy cursing and shouting at the mean old drain looks up to see Emma standing over him.
“Oh hello” Boris says with a large grin.
“Err Boris is there a problem?”
“Problem? Nooo of course not.”
“Then why are you down on your knees shouting at a drain?”
“Well now there’s a funny story behind this Emma.”
“Oh really what is that?”
“I got my foot trapped in this harmless and innocent looking drain but oh do not let yourself be fooled by it. Because it is evil because as I unwedged my foot I lost my balance and my keys went flying from my grasp and next thing I knew they went plop and are now stuck down this drain.”
Emma laughs causing Boris to frown at her.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I’m not” Emma says quickly trying to stifle back her laughter.
Boris looks back down at his car keys with a worried expression on his face.
“Oh don’t let it worry you Boris, I’m sure this sort of thing happens to people everyday.”
“Well yes I must say that would be very clumsy of them. I’m not normally this clumsy.”
Emma just stares down at him finding it hard to fight back an urge to howl out with laughter. Didn’t he realise he was a clumsy person? Heck he must be the clumsiest person she has ever met.
“How am I going to get back home?” Boris asks looking into the holes of the drain once more.
“You could hot wire your car” Emma laughs.
Boris looks up at Emma who is slightly worried by the excited glint in Boris’s eyes.
“You really think so Emma?”
“Because I know how to do it.”
“Yeah sure, well I have seen it done in the movies.”
“Err Boris maybe you could try that another time. Maybe I can take you home?” Emma says having visions of Boris electrocuting himself as he tried to hot wire his car.
“Oh really you would take me home?”
“Yeah sure I will call someone to come tow your car back in the morning, how does that sound?” Emma asks as they both make their way to her car.
“Great but listen I can’t offer you coffee or anything for some reason hot drinks make me nervous” Boris says beaming at her.
“Have you got wine?” Emma asks smiling.
“Oh does that mean…..”
“Yes I would be staying the night would you mind? I just feel the need to drink wine after tonight’s speed dating session.”
“Oh no, I wouldn’t mind but you would be sleeping in the spare room wouldn’t you?”
“There is a water bed in there though” Boris says waiting for Emma’s reaction.
“Oh that sounds fun.”
They both smile even Boris who bangs his head on the doorframe as they get in the car and drive away.