Ok, so 2012 has slipped away and 2013 has roared in. I’m still unemployed and now obscenely broke. My cats and I are going through a rough patch. Yeah, that is one way to describe it. I’m at the stage now where I’m considering D-I-V-O-R-C-E… and moving to a new country under Witness Protection. What have the cats done to deserve such thoughts? Well they are always all over me. I spend nearly every day at home, I have things to do. And when a tabby cat walks all over your keyboard when you are in the middle of a story then you get a little fed up with them.
I’m back reading. You didn’t know I’d stopped did you? Well yeah for a while I just feel like reading anything. A combination of being too immersed in my writing and being too depressed. Plugging away at something you want day after day and never getting anywhere can be disheartening. Not just writing, but also not having a job. For a while there the only contact I had with the outside world was either the fortnightly visit to the job centre, calling companies about job vacancies or the odd trip to the shop. That is excluding the copious amounts of conversations on Facebook and MSN.
So I’ve been ‘Networking’, building up contacts on Facebook and Twitter. There are a lot of talented people out there writing their hearts out and not getting the recognition they deserve. Very disheartening when you are faced with the success of a poorly written novel like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ which became a popular world-wide bestseller. I entered a tonne of competitions and didn’t get anywhere. Didn’t even get an email back to say that the judging was completed on most of them, let alone any feedback.
Since completing A363 Advanced Creative Writing with the Open University I’ve looked at my writing style. Compared it with others. Changed it, Refreshed it. Looked at how I put together words, create characters, add in plot points. All this was combined with the worst ‘writers block’ I’ve every had. I entitle it as ‘The Curse of the Missing Heart’.
Missing Heart was one of my Rola Fan Fics. It started off with my main character in Witness Protection and the other characters, his family and friends believing he’d died. I actually got to the stage where I was going to give up writing, certainly give up writing ‘Rola’. It didn’t help that the person I’d dedicated the story too decided that they would rather go off and read ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and promptly removed all their comments on the story. I can’t tell you how much this hurt. Certainly for days I nursed my confidence and self-belief and essentially I was so shocked that someone could be as vindictive as this person. Turns out that was just the tip of iceberg and they did far worse over the course of knowing them.
Eventually I finished ‘Missing Heart’ and moved on to the sequel, but still there is something wrong. The words don’t flow like they used to. I edit more as I write. I reread before I post it. The fans enjoy it just as much as they ever did so perhaps it is just me being hyper-critical. I do know that I don’t have the buzz of words and story ideas going through my head in quite the same way that I used to and that is worrying. Still, I’m reading again, so maybe that will come back too.
So that is me and maybe you’ve just discovered the reason why it’s been so long since you had a blog update. I am excited about this year though, I’ve got some interesting things planned, building on what I’ve already done, and hopefully, sooner rather than later there will be a new job to keep me occupied too.