Z is for Zombies


I mean, hello, how could it not be!

In the event of a Zombie apocalypse and Donald Trump’s bid for power is a very real indication that there is one coming, you should do the following.

Stock up on canned peaches.

Buy pointy weapons – although wooden stakes are normally reserved for vampires in a pinch if you have them lying around they can also be used.

Get a copy of the SAS survival handbook or get a Daryl.

Find a place to hold up.  Invest in boarding.

If you aren’t handy with a hammer and nails then you need someone who is.   It would also be handy to live near a big shopping complex with a DIY store.

Now it might seem like a good idea to actually hole up in a shopping centre but hey, we’ve all seen those movies and it never turns out well.

Electricity will be scarce.  Apparently even though nuclear powerstations exist they will not supply the electricity grid for any length of time for some reason. Perhaps they need people to toggle switches or something.   Invest in candles.  You may be mocked for having a cupboard full of scented candles  now but just think how handy they will be after a zombie apocalypse.

The biggest drawback will be no microwaves.  You are going to have to learn to cook. And possibly grow your own food.  Canned peaches won’t be around forever (although according to many Zombie shows it will seem like it.)

So what next?  Yeah, a ‘go’ bag.  This is kept near the door or in your car.  It should have a change of clothes, a map of where you are going to hide up until it passes, some pointy weapons,  SAS survival handbook, canned peaches, basic cookbook, a guide on how to grow your own food and scented candles.

Now when I talk about books I mean the paper kind.  Sure you can fit more on your kindle but how are you going to power that thing up when there is no electricity?

Also, not sure what kind of currency you’ll end up using after the zombies attack but I’m thinking maybe luxury goods like chocolate. Now when you buy a bar you can justify it with if there is a zombie apocalypse then this will be currency.

Bear in mind that you won’t have access to internet when it starts so you probably don’t want to post those handy tips about gardening or 101 things to do with canned peaches on pinterest.

And the final thing, good luck.

P.S. Mexico will probably be a good place to head,  Donald Trump has just built a wall that will protect them.

 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Z is for Zombies

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s