Finishing the Dang* Story

So hey there, what happens when you just struggle and struggle to finish a story you were so passionate about a few months ago.

I love my characters – Ella is as feisty as ever and Roman is still the complex dreamboat he always was but maybe I’ve fallen out of love with them.  They’ve done everything, I’ve split them up, put them back together, changed things around, added family drama but maybe it’s time I retired them and worked on something new?

I know that half of this angst is due in part to people not reading the stories like they once did. It’s hard to get new readers when you’ve developed the fan fiction characters beyond the scope of the original character, even harder getting people to relate to it.

I’ve just written a chapter that should have been fun but each word felt like I was pulling teeth! Hard, complex, difficult. That’s been how it is to write these days.  And without writing, I’m sitting here, kind of broken.  Kind of lost. Very alone.

So, do I finish the dang* story or just move on?

Also, NanoWriMo, the write a novel in a month challenge, is fast approaching and so far I’ve failed at every attempt. I remember writing two full novel length stories consecutively inside three months and I just want to get back a little bit of that creative juice.  My head is buzzing with ideas and I jot down bits and pieces but nothing sparks my interest long enough to develop it into a story.

I’m pretty sure I want to write.

I enjoy writing (for the most part).

But, am I done?



Okay, hands up, I’m guilty!

I have been neglecting my blog.  I’ve been behind with my writing.  I haven’t drafted a poem for the longest time.

There’s this thing, it’s called ‘Real Life’ and unfortunately, once you get it there is no cure.

In the UK we’ve had the Referendum, Brexit, and finally, an Election.  When you are campaigning it’s very hard not to let things fall away and get neglected.  My blog is a case in point and the other, my writing.

All of these is in conjunction with my personal circumstances.  I won’t bore you with the details but suffice to say I’ve been completely swamped with negativity.  I want to write, I’ve re-engaged with my Rola characters but actually sitting at the keyboard and getting it done is a different matter.

Now that I’ve taken a step back from the political stuff I want to get more time writing again.  I’m also behind on posting on the various sites where my stories are.  It feels like I’ve got a giant game of catch-up to play… watch this space!

Have finally…

written something!


It’s been a while, I’ve had a number of things going on.  This blog got neglected just because I was busy with so many other things and then, after a long absence my characters started talking to me again.

I’d put my main character into a coma.  I wasn’t even aware that I was going to do it but there she was lying on a hospital bed and….. then came the problem of how I did it, how was she going to recover, what was going to happen next…!

But then sitting down at the laptop I started plotting out the next chapter.  Once I started working it the words flowed, albeit slowly, on to the page.

So finally, Chapter 42 of my Rola story ‘Ghost Sight’ has been posted.

Who knows the way this is going I just might start on Chapter 43!

Writing Woes!

What do you do when you have half a dozen story ideas but cannot sit down and start writing?

It isn’t exactly writer’s block because woah, am I used to that.  No this is just finding the peace in my own head to focus on the story.

Or in this case stories.

I have one plotted, thought I was going to get some of it written for NanoWriMo, but I found I was doing anything except sitting at the laptop and writing and so the tale of the three brothers languishes inside my head waiting on my fingers to get typing.

I wish there was a way of downloading my brain to the page.  I’d have about a dozen manuscripts ready to go.

In the faint hope that I can get something written by the end of the month I’m setting out some goals here.

  1.  Luke’s story from Three Brothers.
  2. Finish Ghost Story (A Rola fic).
  3. Finish my manuscript of poetry.

Check back with me at the start of April to see if I’ve accomplished anything!




Have you heard about Pinterest? Are you secretly addicted to Pinterest?  Do you hide it from your friends?

Pinterest is a scrapbooking site where you can save pictures, fashion trends, decorating tips, hairstyle ideas, inspirational quotes, memes  – just about anything you like really!  On each picture, you save you can write notes or add information to it.

A number of author friends use the scrapbooking website to post inspiration topics and pictures for their writing and I thought it would be fun to use mine for my fan fic stories.  I’ve started adding pictures of things that are in the stories. As I get it up to date with the stories I might even add small excerpts from the stories themselves!

Check it out:


S is for… Statistics

  • I am in the middle of my 14th Roman and Ella story entitled ‘Ghost Sight’. I have the plotlines for another three stories at the moment.
  • The word count for the combined stories is 1,807, 096.  (This doesn’t include ‘Ghost Sight’ or ‘Debated Heart’. )
  • Ghost Sight is current at 89,581 words and I’m only on Chapter 39.
  • Roman and Ella have 14 Children, comprised of  Nicole (Roman’s daughter from a previous relationship), Aden  – a foster son,  Mike (Ella’s adopted son),  Twins – Gabby & Toby,  Danni (Roman and Ella’s adopted daughter),  Twins – Sophie & Georgie,  Meggy, Sammy, Lily, Liam,  Twins – August & Fleur.
  • I began writing them in 2009.
  • I first conceived the story after watching the Australian soap ‘Home and Away’, where my main character Roman comes from,  but my own experience working alongside the armed forces spurred me on.
  • I have fans  in several countries around the world.
  • The stories were originally posted on one site but are now found on FanFic.Net and Wattpad.
  • I have a story in mind where the characters meet in a different way.   Provisionally titled ‘Origins’ it takes my main characters in a new direction.
  • In the story ‘The Way Back’ Ella was supposed to lose the child she was carrying. When I posted the chapter leading up to this my ‘fans’ were so upset that I changed my mind and William, later shortened to Liam, was born.
  • In ‘Ghost Sight’ I killed off four of the children … for a whole chapter.  As a writer I wanted to see how I could bring my characters back from that.  As a fan of Roman and Ella I kept to the plot and had them sharing a dream (a re-occurring theme during the stories) where the children died.
  • A fan christened them ‘Rola’, combining the names Roman and Ella.
  • When I get writers block I sometimes re-read them in order.
  • I struggled writing ‘Missing Heart’ the most because I knew at the end of the story I was going to have my characters divorce.

R is for Romance & Rola…

Roman and Ella is an epic lovestory.

They refer to themselves as soulmates, sharing a connection on a spiritual plane.  Often they have felt one other call out in dreams and their subconscious and reacted to it. Roman is logical, a fierce tactician whilst in the SAS he denies their other connection at first but later when  he meets Ella in a dream whilst she is going through a near-death experience he admits to it.

Their romance  relies not just on the above,  there is a great passion between them as well as taking the form of kisses and hand-holding. The times that their relationship is failing or being tested they both admit it is the simple things they miss most.  I’ve included this because not every touch between them should lead to sex.

Ella will stroke her hand down Roman’s back. For him this is a comfort thing, a reassurance that she’s there and they are together.   If he is in a bad place the simple act of her touch will bring him back and give him proof that she still loves him.

There is a relaxed intimacy between them that continues in each story.  For a couple that have been together as long as they have the physical side of a relationship can wain. To tackle this I have my couple ‘falling in love’ repeatedly.  I have them rediscover each other emotionally and sexually.  They’ll often ‘think’ or remark that it feels different between them, that it’s like being in love all over again.


Fan Fiction

Many people ask what is ‘Fan Fiction’ and the answer is simple. a person writes a story generally based on a TV show, film, (or other) involving characters from said show, film etc.  Have you ever watched something and been really disappointed by the way the show or film ended? Have you ever thought that they’ve changed the characters and you know they wouldn’t act like that? Or say that? Or do that? Fan Fiction allows you to write how you think the story should go.

My Fan Fic is about a character from the Australian show ‘Home and Away’.  In 2008 they introduced a character called Roman Harris and made him an ex SAS solider. They gave him a daughter and then a foster son.  Then, they decided that his character had run it’s course and devised an exit storyline for him which involved him being blackmailed by a former army colleague into a series of robberies and if that wasn’t enough they also had him guilty of a friendly fire incident that killed one of his men.

None of which fitted in with the characterisation they had set up for him.  This led me to write the first of my stories ‘The Lost Letter’, the idea being that I was going to give him a past,  and provide a love interest. I was going to give him something to look forward to.  The Lost Letter was seventeen chapters. It was poorly written and whilst the premise still holds thrall for me I know I could have done it better.

This story led to the next one ‘A Summer Bay Wedding (ASBW)’ where I had his daughter get married. It also helped set the tone for Roman’s own marriage to Ella.  I should point out that Ella is my own character, what is termed ‘original character’.  People started reading and commenting.

The next story that came to me was entitled ‘The Darkness’ which I wrote at the same time as  ‘ASBW’ and was the sequel to that story. From there the idea kept coming and I began writing a story entitled ‘The Beginning’ which was the story of how Roman and Ella met.

After  all of those stories were finished came ‘Remembrance of Time’ with its shock ending where I killed Ella, although not for long as I brought her back alive in ‘Elliot’s Return’.   From there came ‘The Way Back’ and then ‘A Summer Bay Wedding 2’ whose storylines included the rekindling of the relationship between Roman and Ella.

By now Roman and Ella were known as ‘Rola’, which in fan terms comes from combining the two names to make a cute nickname for them.

The following story was entitled ‘Broken’, where I included a bad guy, some other stuff and eventually killed off Roman. Not for long though as he popped up alive and in Witness Protection in  ‘Missing Heart’.

If you’ve followed my blog you know that I had serious problems with the writing of  ‘MH’. I knew where it was going to end but the getting there was seriously dragging me down.  It’s probably a testament of how involved I am in these characters that knowing there was going to be a sad ending where I had the characters separate and divorce made me sad.

But Rola aren’t over.  Welcome to ‘Postcards from Hawaii’ where the characters are secretly dating.  Ella doesn’t want to get the children’s hopes up so she wants it kept secret so they resolve some of the issues they had in ‘MH’.  Although it is still being written there are plans for the next lot of stories.  ‘Ghost Sight’ which is going to test Roman and have him drive everyone away, then ‘Families and Trouble’ where I plan to introduce present day ‘Home and Away’ characters to test the relationships of Rola and their family.

I believe (at the moment anyway) that ‘Priceless’ will be my last Rola story.  In as much as it follows on from the others it will be stand alone in terms of plot.

There are also two stories I haven’t mentioned.  ‘Debated Heart’ which is posted on this blog will follow on from ‘Ghost Sight’ in a surprising twist that I hope will have people going ‘wow’ and then ‘Bound by fear, rescued by love’.  ‘Bound’ is set in the period between ‘The Darkness’ and ‘Remembrance of Time’ and deals with aftermath of what happened to Ella in ‘The Darkness’.

So that is Fan Fic and more importantly your introduction to the world of Rola.  You can find all of them on BTTB, a fan forum and I’ve also started a Tumblr blog for them where I’m posting snippets of  my stories and inspirational pictures that represent aspects of the story.  Links for both of them can be found in the sidebar to this blog. 

What I haven’t told you is much about the characters, if you want to get to know them the best thing you can do is go read the stories. 😛

Time for a new post!

Ok, so 2012 has slipped away and 2013 has roared in. I’m still unemployed and now obscenely broke.  My cats and I are going through a rough patch.  Yeah, that is one way to describe it.  I’m at the stage now where I’m considering D-I-V-O-R-C-E…  and  moving to a new country under Witness Protection.  What have the cats done to deserve such thoughts? Well they are always all over me. I spend nearly every day at home, I have things to do. And when a tabby cat walks all over your keyboard when you are in the middle of a story then you get a little fed up with them.

I’m back reading.  You didn’t know I’d stopped did you? Well yeah for a while I just feel like reading anything. A combination of being too immersed in my writing and being too depressed.  Plugging away at something you want day after day and never getting anywhere can be disheartening. Not just writing, but also not having a job.  For a while there the only contact I had with the outside world was either the fortnightly visit to the job centre, calling companies about job vacancies or the odd trip to the shop.  That is excluding the copious amounts of conversations on Facebook and MSN.

So I’ve been ‘Networking’, building up contacts on Facebook and Twitter. There are a lot of talented people out there writing their hearts out and not getting the recognition they deserve.  Very disheartening when you are faced with the success of a poorly written novel like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’  which became a popular world-wide bestseller.   I entered a tonne of competitions and didn’t get anywhere. Didn’t even get an email back to say that the judging was completed on most of them, let alone any feedback.

Since completing A363 Advanced Creative Writing with the Open University I’ve looked at my writing style. Compared it with others. Changed it,  Refreshed it.  Looked at how I put together words, create characters, add in plot points. All this was combined with the worst ‘writers block’ I’ve every had.   I entitle it as ‘The Curse of the Missing Heart’.

Missing Heart was one of my Rola Fan Fics.  It started off with my main character in Witness Protection and the other characters, his family and friends believing he’d died.   I actually got to the stage where I was going to give up writing, certainly give up writing ‘Rola’.  It didn’t help that the person I’d dedicated the story too decided that they would rather go off and read ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and promptly removed all their comments on the story. I can’t tell you how much this hurt. Certainly for days I nursed my confidence and self-belief and essentially I was so shocked that someone could be as vindictive as this person. Turns out that was just the tip of iceberg and they did far worse over the course of knowing them.

Eventually I finished ‘Missing Heart’ and moved on to the sequel, but still there is something wrong. The words don’t flow like they used to. I edit more as I write.  I reread before I post it.  The fans enjoy it just as much as they ever did so perhaps it is just me being hyper-critical.  I do know that I don’t have the buzz of words and story ideas going through my head in quite the same way that I used to and that is worrying. Still, I’m reading again, so maybe that will come back too.

So that is me and maybe you’ve just discovered the reason why it’s been so long since you had a blog update.  I am excited about this year though, I’ve got some interesting things planned, building on what I’ve already done, and hopefully, sooner rather than later there will be a new job to keep me occupied too.