Finishing the Dang* Story

So hey there, what happens when you just struggle and struggle to finish a story you were so passionate about a few months ago.

I love my characters – Ella is as feisty as ever and Roman is still the complex dreamboat he always was but maybe I’ve fallen out of love with them.  They’ve done everything, I’ve split them up, put them back together, changed things around, added family drama but maybe it’s time I retired them and worked on something new?

I know that half of this angst is due in part to people not reading the stories like they once did. It’s hard to get new readers when you’ve developed the fan fiction characters beyond the scope of the original character, even harder getting people to relate to it.

I’ve just written a chapter that should have been fun but each word felt like I was pulling teeth! Hard, complex, difficult. That’s been how it is to write these days.  And without writing, I’m sitting here, kind of broken.  Kind of lost. Very alone.

So, do I finish the dang* story or just move on?

Also, NanoWriMo, the write a novel in a month challenge, is fast approaching and so far I’ve failed at every attempt. I remember writing two full novel length stories consecutively inside three months and I just want to get back a little bit of that creative juice.  My head is buzzing with ideas and I jot down bits and pieces but nothing sparks my interest long enough to develop it into a story.

I’m pretty sure I want to write.

I enjoy writing (for the most part).

But, am I done?


Okay, hands up, I’m guilty!

I have been neglecting my blog.  I’ve been behind with my writing.  I haven’t drafted a poem for the longest time.

There’s this thing, it’s called ‘Real Life’ and unfortunately, once you get it there is no cure.

In the UK we’ve had the Referendum, Brexit, and finally, an Election.  When you are campaigning it’s very hard not to let things fall away and get neglected.  My blog is a case in point and the other, my writing.

All of these is in conjunction with my personal circumstances.  I won’t bore you with the details but suffice to say I’ve been completely swamped with negativity.  I want to write, I’ve re-engaged with my Rola characters but actually sitting at the keyboard and getting it done is a different matter.

Now that I’ve taken a step back from the political stuff I want to get more time writing again.  I’m also behind on posting on the various sites where my stories are.  It feels like I’ve got a giant game of catch-up to play… watch this space!

Have finally…

written something!


It’s been a while, I’ve had a number of things going on.  This blog got neglected just because I was busy with so many other things and then, after a long absence my characters started talking to me again.

I’d put my main character into a coma.  I wasn’t even aware that I was going to do it but there she was lying on a hospital bed and….. then came the problem of how I did it, how was she going to recover, what was going to happen next…!

But then sitting down at the laptop I started plotting out the next chapter.  Once I started working it the words flowed, albeit slowly, on to the page.

So finally, Chapter 42 of my Rola story ‘Ghost Sight’ has been posted.

Who knows the way this is going I just might start on Chapter 43!


Have you heard about Pinterest? Are you secretly addicted to Pinterest?  Do you hide it from your friends?

Pinterest is a scrapbooking site where you can save pictures, fashion trends, decorating tips, hairstyle ideas, inspirational quotes, memes  – just about anything you like really!  On each picture, you save you can write notes or add information to it.

A number of author friends use the scrapbooking website to post inspiration topics and pictures for their writing and I thought it would be fun to use mine for my fan fic stories.  I’ve started adding pictures of things that are in the stories. As I get it up to date with the stories I might even add small excerpts from the stories themselves!

Check it out:



Last night I was clicking around in an old folder full of my A363 Advanced Creative Writing notes and I cam across some pieces that I’d done back in 2012.  It was strange to note how my writing style has changed over the years and although two of the stories were biographical they held a strange fascination for me.  Like I was discovering treasure or the secrets of the universe.

I would share them but… well they are biographical.

At the moment I’m busy doing so many things that no day is the same for me.  I’ve Beta read someone’s story  (And as soon as it is published I’ll be advertising the heck out of it!), I’ve been reading.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that I’ve had a problem with reading.  Stemming from my writing courses I’ve found that no matter what I’m reading I’ve got a tendency to edit as I read. Sometimes not even edit, in my head I’m re-writing whole chapters.  Considering how much I love reading it is so annoying and frustrating that I can’t switch this off.

I’ve been doing some editing work too.   I’ll definitely be telling you about this later.  This is quite possibly the biggest think that I’ve done for ages. The biggest challenge I’ve taken on.   It’s taken time, research, and the constant telling myself that I can do this.  Fear is something that I’m currently living with!  The dread in the pit of your stomach kind of fear that everything is going to go wrong in some way.

Instead of dwelling on this I’m putting the focus on the work. I’m encouraging people and guiding them.  I’m not letting my fears hold me back as they have done in the past.

I don’t know why I’m not writing at the moment.  I’m not sure if the story I’ve got going on has become boring to me in some way or if the lack of fans is putting me off.  Although the view count is quite high there are fewer people commenting on my story.   It’s off-putting.  Still I can’t leave the characters in limbo  forever so hopefully  I’ll get back to it soon.

That’s all for now.  Speak to you soon.

Oh, and feel free to comment below. It would be nice to connect with you…


S is for… Statistics

  • I am in the middle of my 14th Roman and Ella story entitled ‘Ghost Sight’. I have the plotlines for another three stories at the moment.
  • The word count for the combined stories is 1,807, 096.  (This doesn’t include ‘Ghost Sight’ or ‘Debated Heart’. )
  • Ghost Sight is current at 89,581 words and I’m only on Chapter 39.
  • Roman and Ella have 14 Children, comprised of  Nicole (Roman’s daughter from a previous relationship), Aden  – a foster son,  Mike (Ella’s adopted son),  Twins – Gabby & Toby,  Danni (Roman and Ella’s adopted daughter),  Twins – Sophie & Georgie,  Meggy, Sammy, Lily, Liam,  Twins – August & Fleur.
  • I began writing them in 2009.
  • I first conceived the story after watching the Australian soap ‘Home and Away’, where my main character Roman comes from,  but my own experience working alongside the armed forces spurred me on.
  • I have fans  in several countries around the world.
  • The stories were originally posted on one site but are now found on FanFic.Net and Wattpad.
  • I have a story in mind where the characters meet in a different way.   Provisionally titled ‘Origins’ it takes my main characters in a new direction.
  • In the story ‘The Way Back’ Ella was supposed to lose the child she was carrying. When I posted the chapter leading up to this my ‘fans’ were so upset that I changed my mind and William, later shortened to Liam, was born.
  • In ‘Ghost Sight’ I killed off four of the children … for a whole chapter.  As a writer I wanted to see how I could bring my characters back from that.  As a fan of Roman and Ella I kept to the plot and had them sharing a dream (a re-occurring theme during the stories) where the children died.
  • A fan christened them ‘Rola’, combining the names Roman and Ella.
  • When I get writers block I sometimes re-read them in order.
  • I struggled writing ‘Missing Heart’ the most because I knew at the end of the story I was going to have my characters divorce.

R is for Romance & Rola…

Roman and Ella is an epic lovestory.

They refer to themselves as soulmates, sharing a connection on a spiritual plane.  Often they have felt one other call out in dreams and their subconscious and reacted to it. Roman is logical, a fierce tactician whilst in the SAS he denies their other connection at first but later when  he meets Ella in a dream whilst she is going through a near-death experience he admits to it.

Their romance  relies not just on the above,  there is a great passion between them as well as taking the form of kisses and hand-holding. The times that their relationship is failing or being tested they both admit it is the simple things they miss most.  I’ve included this because not every touch between them should lead to sex.

Ella will stroke her hand down Roman’s back. For him this is a comfort thing, a reassurance that she’s there and they are together.   If he is in a bad place the simple act of her touch will bring him back and give him proof that she still loves him.

There is a relaxed intimacy between them that continues in each story.  For a couple that have been together as long as they have the physical side of a relationship can wain. To tackle this I have my couple ‘falling in love’ repeatedly.  I have them rediscover each other emotionally and sexually.  They’ll often ‘think’ or remark that it feels different between them, that it’s like being in love all over again.


O is for OMG!


So if you have a phone the chances are that you text.

And if you text the chances are that you use the dreaded text speak.  The abridged language is virtually everywhere now with even some words making it into the dictionary and scrawling across the internet.

Sometimes it’s cute.

But when you see or edit someone’s work and there in glaring letters is text speak you know that you want to kill the person who came up with it. It is everywhere and you dread to think that this is the natural progression of language.

I’ve seen job applications that use ‘no’ instead of ‘know’. omg2

(Let alone the amount of times it should be ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’!)
I’m not writing this from a position of perfection, I have my spelling and grammar moments but I always try to text without using  text speak.  I think that taking that time to write out the words in full helps with the impact the message makes.  It focuses me into thinking about what I really want to say.

Plus it helps stop the misunderstandings.

The more you do it the more you get responses in the same style.

As a writer you have a certain voice in your work, favourite words that you use and a way of writing dialogue for certain characters.

My character Jacko pluralises words and uses ‘ya’ a lot.  He refers frequently to Ella and her daughters as ‘Girlies’, despite having romantic feelings for Ella he tries to treat her as a friend and put some distance between them.

We’ve glimpsed his background once,  he was given a choice between Army and Jail and chose the former and although his intelligence or education level is never mentioned he became part of an elite SAS unit meaning that his skills more than made up for any deficits there may have been in his education.

The image I have in mind for that man is rugged, handsome.  Despite his charming ways with women he has never settled down.  Perhaps his affection for Ella holds him back from making that commitment or perhaps its the fact that at the drop of a hat he can be  slingshot back into action, either that of the company he is a part of or in defence of one of his best friends, Roman Harris.







E’s are good…. E’s are good….

Day 498 of the A to Z challenge and here in the Big Blogging House  we’ve entered into the diary room….

Have you ever stopped to think about relevant things in your life and then tried to sort them out into alphabetical order?  Let me just say it’s hard.  My mind is a blank for E.  I was going to use the word ‘Everything’ and give a run down of everything I like to do however that doesn’t narrow it down so much.

So here.

E is for Ella.

Her name is Elizabeth Louise Laura Addison.

Her initials were printed on her camera strap when they first met leading Roman  to read them thinking that was her name. When they were finally introduced and she told him her name was Elizabeth it was too late, to him she’d always be his Ella.

I came up with that because I wanted my characters to share something special, he christened her with a name and actually seeing her as a separate entity to her parents, her brother, but also because I wanted to have her be recognisable.  In the sense that when you googled her real name she’d be near the top of the search.  It offered some shielding to her, some layers that prevented the reader from finding out too much in one go.

Ella first made an appearance in ‘The Lost Letter’, however her character and story arc have been extended with prequels and sequels (and more sequels).  In the lost letter we saw a glimpse of how she was when separate to Roman. A mother to her son, also called Roman.  The audience is left guessing as to whether the former Roman is the father of her child.

When Roman finds out he isn’t the father there is almost more disappointment than relief.  For Ella though, her son was part of the excuse she used not to track Roman down.

Ella is a complicated character to write.   She is extremely vulnerable whilst being strong enough to support her husband through his PTSD.   When she is attacked in ‘The Darkness’ by  Roman’s former comrade and the man who was responsible for her brothers death you see a breakdown in their relationship. They are both keeping secrets from one another and for a period of time you feel that they are doomed.

The follow up story to ‘The Darkness’ was originally  ‘Remembrance of Time’ moving forward in time over 4 years and where I gave Ella amnesia and then created this person she was seeing behind Roman’s back.  I barely touched upon the jealousy aspect before I inflicted  first a tragic loss and then illness on them.

I chose to skip that time period because I wanted to show an Ella that was recovered from what happened to her.  But it wasn’t long before I returned to those missing 4 years and started writing.  I’m very proud of this story despite it taking a lot not only to write but also a lot of time.   The story is  ‘Bound by Fear, Rescued by Love’.   We see what they’ve gone through in those four years and just what a toll the events in ‘The Darkness’ have had on them, especially Ella.

Ella is a strong person but to make her complete she needs Roman. When their relationship breaks down to the point that divorce seems their only option something brings them back together.

After ‘Remembrance of Time’ I came up with ‘Elliot’s Return’, once more bringing back a foe of Roman’s.  He’d  been in Summer Bay before nearly killing Nicole and Geoff before Roman stopped him. Now he was responsible for taking Ella and keeping her prisoner for six months.  When he finally revealed her to them she was pregnant and ill believing herself to be Elliot’s wife.  Within hours of meeting Roman their connection drew them together and she returned to him not knowing that was part of Elliot’s plan!

From there came ‘The Way Back’.  She removed herself from Roman’s life for three months needing to heal and believing that was the only way to save them both from any more plotting by Elliot. When she returned thinking that they had divorced in the process it is only a matter of time before their attraction returned.  Despite the plotting of their children (and half the population of Summer Bay) things were not as smooth running as my readers wanted and I kept them on/off for most of the story.

I haven’t mentioned ‘A Summer Bay Wedding’ for several reasons, one being that although you see them as new married couple the story focuses more on Nicole and Geoff.  (Nicole is Roman’s daughter by a previous partner).   The story slots in between ‘The Lost Letter’ and ‘The Darkness’.  I mention it now because having finally won Ella back they are in their own story entitled ‘A Summer Bay Wedding II’.

When I was writing it I did a lot of looking at wedding dresses as I wanted to describe the perfect one for Ella.   It’s been a number of years since I finished it and I still have no idea what her ideal dress was like.  But it’s okay, it wasn’t their first wedding and wouldn’t be their last!

After ‘A Summer Bay Wedding II’ came ‘Broken’, what could be better than spending a few thousand words getting them together if not splitting them up again.

If you read my post ‘D is for Dead’ you’d see that I have a problem killing characters, no such problem inflicting pain and misery on Ella and Roman though.

I thought this would be a short little summery of my main character but there is so much about her that I could write, stories not withstanding.  Her love for Roman is only matched by the love she has for her children and that includes  Roman’s daughter and foster son.  She has a career as a photographer but that has so often come second to everything it is only now that she is finding a balance between home, family, and work.

She had a close bond with Harry, her godfather, and Joe, a colleague of her fathers, to an extent that it could be seen she was trying to gain the fatherly approval she seemed to have missed out on as a child.  Instead a reconciliation with her father answers the very many questions that she had as a child regarding her mother’s treatment of her.

In Ella I explored what it felt like to be abused by your mother.  Parents are supposed to be care givers and when that trust is broken it makes it hard to trust anyone.  On occasion I’ve had Roman break her trust, there have been moments where I’ve had him display violence towards her as his PTSD is triggered.

It is interesting that when that happens it is Roman who is hurt more by it.   As a former soldier he has the training to kill her, however I wouldn’t describe it as an abusive relationship as he doesn’t use it as a control mechanism for a start and there are only three major incidents in  a twenty-year history.  (I know for some that would be three incidents too many).

Ella in fact, does her fair share of slapping him, not to mention her trademark poking him in the ribs.

I need to finish this now,  I’ve gone over 1000 words and I can see myself typing even more.  I’ve put Ella (and also Roman) through everything that you can think off and somehow they manage to remain my favourite characters.

For a glimpse of Ella there is story posted on this blog called ‘Debated Heart’.   For my other stories follow the links I’ve put at the side.